A strange day

It seemed that something, not even my feelings or her beauty, held me down and literally made me feel a burning sensation in my chest, similar to happiness, but in which there was nothing in common with happiness. During our first kiss, which took place on her initiative, I felt a wave of nausea. At that moment, I felt a strong, rough, and precisely that nauseating sensation. A mixture of pleasure and disgust, to be precise. But at that time, I still did not understand what horrors awaited me in life and naively believed that this walk with a stranger would be something rare for me. However, over time, either my mental problems began to worsen, or the environment, but I began to hear all kinds of voices more and more often. And then I became completely afraid to spend time alone. So, on one of those rainy February days, I was walking from work to home through an old, dilapidated neighborhood. And if earlier I was just annoyed by people on the streets, then that day I couldn't meet anyone on the way at all. There were cars, buses, everything, but I was walking and hardly anyone noticed me at all. The feeling of being followed began to press down on my back, as if someone was following me in the shadows of an old industrial area. I sped up and went home, went into the entrance and ran into the apartment. Closing the door with all the locks, I turned on the light in my apartment and regretted that I had chosen a luxurious apartment with high ceilings to live in. An old shack with tobacco smoke and kerosene lamps would be much better in my current condition. Even though, as it turned out, no one was following me, I was uneasy until the morning. As for the evil of annoying neighbors and close friends, there was no one in town at all.